Safe, Skilled, Successful: Building Independent Learners Through Relationships and Regulation

When children are dysregulated, anxious, or struggling with behaviour, it’s not always clear what to do next. Do we adapt everything, or gently push them to build skills? When is behaviour a choice, and when is it a “can’t”? This session tackled the grey areas head-on, exploring behaviour as communication from a dysregulated nervous system. We covered the five domains of safety (physical, sensory, social, emotional, and cognitive), the CALM framework for winning the first 60 seconds of an incident, and how to be the calm, regulating adult children need. Participants left with practical strategies for reducing dysregulation, building children’s capacity for self-regulation over time, and navigating the everyday dilemmas that make this work so challenging.

Learning outcomes:

• Understand behaviour as communication from a dysregulated nervous system
• Distinguish between “can’t” and “won’t” whilst recognising most behaviour sits on a spectrum
• Create safety across five domains: physical, sensory, social, emotional, and cognitive
• Use the CALM framework to de-escalate situations in the critical first 60 seconds
• Become the calm, regulating adult that dysregulated children need
• Balance reducing demands with building long-term skills and independence
• Navigate grey areas around boundaries, expectations, and demand avoidance