Demand Avoidance at School: Understanding and Supporting Your Pupils

The child who folds their arms and says “no” to something perfectly reasonable usually isn’t choosing to be difficult. For children who find demands hard, being told what to do can feel like a threat, and what looks like rudeness or defiance is very often anxiety. This session gets underneath that, with or without a diagnosis, and gives staff small, practical changes they can try the next day. That means letting the clock or the timetable make the demand, sharing information rather than giving instructions, and offering real choices. It also covers what to do when something has to happen regardless, how to keep your own calm when a child is losing theirs, and how to repair things afterwards without making it one more demand.

• Why “won’t” is almost always “can’t”, and what’s going on underneath the refusal
• How small changes to the way you ask can take the heat out of a demand
• Why a strategy can work on Tuesday and not on Thursday, and what tops a child back up
• What to do when a demand can’t be removed, starting with three quick questions before you push
• How to repair after a hard moment without asking for anything back
• Why your own calm matters more than any script, and how to find it quickly